December, with its Christmas traditions and bright lights, can of course be a wonderful time of year for many. The lead-up to Christmas is traditionally filled with social events: meeting friends, work parties, end-of-year celebrations, and family gatherings. There’s the familiar rush of shopping for the perfect gifts, all set against a backdrop of festive social media posts, TV adverts, tables creaking with food and surrounded by family, and radio stations pumping out Christmas cheer. A season of joy, celebration, and goodwill to all.
The sparkle of Christmas lights certainly helps brighten the shorter, greyer, colder UK days. However, for many people, this time of year can also be one of the hardest. Those same bright lights can highlight the darkness of the season, becoming a stark reminder of what we don’t have. Christmas can reignite feelings of grief for loved ones who are no longer with us, memories of happier times, or even the most difficult ones.
The difficult childhood Christmas, the worried about money Christmas, the “I’ve just been made redundant” Christmas, the sensory overload Christmas, the poor mental health Christmas, the “I have no family” Christmas, the lonely Christmas …….
Talking about the less shiny, less joyful side of Christmas isn’t always comfortable or welcomed, yet it is a reality for so many. There can be immense pressure to keep up, show up, and present to the world that you too are enjoying “the most wonderful time of the year”.
I’m often asked what can I do to help myself through the festive season? Below are some gentle strategies you may find helpful.
- Decide what your Christmas needs to look like
Give yourself permission to design this time around your own needs, not expectations or traditions. You don’t have to attend every event, host perfectly, or meet everyone else’s emotional needs. Ask yourself: What would make this season more manageable for me? - Set gentle but clear boundaries
It’s okay to say no, leave early, or limit time spent in situations that feel overwhelming. Boundaries aren’t punishments—they’re protections. You don’t owe lengthy explanations for choosing what supports your wellbeing. - Manage expectations (yours and others’) Christmas often carries unrealistic expectations of harmony, happiness, and togetherness. Remind yourself that tension, mixed emotions, or disappointment do not mean you’re doing anything wrong. Lowering expectations can reduce pressure and emotional overload.
- Reduce comparison
If social media, adverts, or constant festive messaging heighten feelings of sadness, envy, or loss, take a break. What you see is a highlight reel, not the full picture. Protecting your emotional space is an act of self-care, not avoidance. - Plan for emotional triggers
If you know certain situations, people, or memories are difficult, plan ahead. This might mean having a short break, stepping outside, grounding yourself, or arranging a supportive check-in with someone you trust afterwards. - Prioritise regulation, not perfection
Notice the signs that your nervous system is becoming overwhelmed—irritability, shutting down, tearfulness, or restlessness. Small regulating practices can help: slow breathing, movement, warmth, familiar music, or quiet time. You don’t need to feel festive; you just need to feel safe enough. - Create moments of comfort
Comfort can be simple and personal: a warm drink, a walk, familiar routines, a favourite film, or early nights. Comfort is not indulgence—it’s necessary, especially during emotionally demanding times. - Stay gently connected
Isolation can increase during the holidays, even when surrounded by people. A brief message, a short conversation, or spending time with someone who feels emotionally safe can help you feel less alone. - Remember: Christmas is one day
However hard it feels, this period will pass. You are allowed to get through it in whatever way works for you. There is no right or wrong way to do Christmas.
For many, the festive season is less about celebration and more about endurance. With realistic expectations, emotional awareness, and small acts of self-care, it is possible to move through the season with greater steadiness and self-kindness.
Wishing you peace, self care and good health over the festive season.
Christine